i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
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We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
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Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
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