You're a womanizer and a bitch.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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