i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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