I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
