I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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