He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
