His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
