I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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