So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
