so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
