I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
