then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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