Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize
