Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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