The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
