So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
