singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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