literally had 100 drinks last night.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
