i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
