I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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