I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
