I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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