So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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