I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
