now i know why i became what i already was.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
