I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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