Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
