after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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