If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
