bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
