Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
