I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
