Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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