Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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