she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Im part way to drunk.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
