Moan for me like Helen Keller
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
They took my balls.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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