I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
