I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
