He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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