I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
