My hair reeks of homosexuality.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
