Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
