we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
