Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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