She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
