then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
