i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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