Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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