I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
