Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
