I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
