did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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