I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
3 2 1 whiskey
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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