there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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