I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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