And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
