its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
