I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
