i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
