just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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