I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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