can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
