So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
