I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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