I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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