Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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