I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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