Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
