$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
