Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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