drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
