I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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