Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
