If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
